She shouldn't have cared
by Paintmethestars
Summary: Emma reflects upon Neal's death just a one shot (Rated T due to language and I'm just about paranoid about everything) I do not own OUAT or any of it's characters


**Sort -of Emma's reaction to Neal dying have fun! check my other story !**

* * *

Emma stared blankly at the coffin. It was red, but not the usual red. It was toned down a bit, slightly maroon. Almost a bit muted, kind of like Neal right now. Emma had never thought of herself as an artist but her she was critiquing a color. She wished she was an artist, so that she could say more about it, to take her mind off of Neal, a very _dead_ Neal. It her mind she knew it was to make a futile effort to ignore the obvious. Neal was dead. Neal was cold, he gave most the cold brush off the shoulder but now he was literally life less. She could insult him and he wouldn't respond which wasn't all that bad, if it didn't hurt as much.

She shouldn't have cared, but she did.

He had abandoned her years ago with his child, left her to rot in jail. And for what!? So he come back later to say sorry, and claim Henry as his own? So that Rumpelstiltskin could use her to her to find him later? So that he could come and be used against her, as her weakness? What good did he have to her? WELL? Emma wanted answers no one could give her. She stared at the coffin again. The muted red color almost fascinated her. It was Neal's favorite color. At least she thought it was, she really had no idea, she had no idea what to think of Neal. Neal probably didn't think about her when they split.

That shouldn't have bothered her, but it did.

She should be glad he was dead! He couldn't hurt her anymore! He couldn't come into her life and declare himself her one and only true love when he had moved one and she didn't! She should be glad that Tamara almost killed him! It would have ended a lot of suffering, for everyone! It should have made her happy! And she absolutely loathed him! Even his name brought a snarl or a frown to her face! She didn't even want to tell Henry about him! No wonder we has related to Rumpelstiltskin! They were both cowards and trickster and players! They both had so many women falling for them, they couldn't keep count of them all! They were all waiting on their hand and foot, women who would do anything for them. GO TO JAIL FOR THEM, TAKE THE GOD DAMN _BLAME _ for them! She did everything she could for Neal! She would have died for him! And what does he do? He ABANDONS HER!

She shouldn't have hated him, but she didn't.

She loved Neal. She knew it. Red, the color of his coffin. The color of _anger, hatred, violence_ even, but it was also the color of passion, or love and of excitement. That's why Neal loved it so much. Because it contradicted it self, like they did. They were alone but they were together. They were starving but they ate. They were perishing but they survived. But SHE survived. Her anger boiled over while looking at the coffin she hated how they didn't make it through together, it made it seem like _she_ was the villain and not him, like _she let_ him die. She almost hated the looks of pity from the people around her, but if it's one thing her mother taught her, you must first care about someone in order to hate them. She pretended his death didn't bother her, because she didn't care, but she did.

She cared about him when she first hijacked his car.

She cared about him when they stole from every single store imaginable.

She cared about him when he convinced her to sleep with him.

She cared about him when he said he loved her.

She cared about him when he framed her and put her in jail.

She cared about him when she gave birth to his son.

She cared about him when she first saw Henry 'grown-up', about what might have been.

She cared about him when she found him in New York.

She cared about him when she found he had a new fiancee.

She cared about him when he fell through the portal.

She cared about him when she found him locked in a cage.

She cared about him when she arrived back at Storybrooke

She cared about him when she thought of at every turn, everything reminded her of him, and it hurt.

She cared about him when she first met him to now and every moment in between.

She cared about him when she shouldn't have.

She NEVER should have cared, but she did. She cared A LOT.

And she still cared about him, no matter what he did or said.

She would always care until the day she died and beyond.

She _fucking_ cared.

* * *

**Thanks! please comment!**


End file.
